Post 72 – Political chaos in the UK … but my editor is getting hysterical about missiles & bombs!!

The gracious Queen Elizabeth is now Britain’s longest serving monarch – and she’s in great form. At Westminster, however, Members of Parliament are confused and concerned. For the ludicrous Labour lefty candidate Jeremy Corbyn has just emerged as the party’s next leader.

I am invited for lunch at the House of Commons by a Ministerial Advisor, and his hands are shaking with excitement as we take a drink on the terrace.

‘You realise, Phil, that this could give our Conservatives another ten years in power,’ he says.

Oh yes – I can see where he’s coming from. No sane Brits are going to vote for Labour if it is led by a lefty loony who wants to squeeze the reasonably well off while shaking hands with Islamic State sympathisers in the Middle East and North Africa.

OK – so if Labour is finished for now, what exactly are the Tories going to do over the next decade or so?

‘It’s pretty clear, Phil,’ my man suggests. ‘We’ll revive the economy, so that everyone benefits … and Britain will once again be great – literally!’

So we’ll have happy days ahead – but what about those nasty Islamists who are getting into mustard gas and may soon move on to missiles with nukes? There are drunken Labour MPs crowding us out on the House of Commons terrace, so we must go inside for lunch.

‘The thing is, Phil,’ my Ministerial Advisor contact says when we’re settled at a quiet table with a bottle of Prosecco. ‘We have to finally take on these bastards and deal with them. There are no other options – and I think the Americans would agree with us on that.’

I’m thinking of drones fired by RAF or US Air Force pilots on the ISIS strongholds in Syria, Iraq and North Africa. But I seem to be slightly out of the loop on this.

‘The drones are fine for individual targets,’ my man says. ‘But we’re now seriously looking once again at boots on the ground – and it will be a fight to the end.’

Well – it’s an interesting prospect. But when will this new strategy be implemented, and in the meanwhile what about the hundreds of thousands of Muslim migrants who are pouring into Europe and streaming towards Germany.

‘Merkel’s people need some migrants,’ my contact says in a low voice. ‘The Germans are ageing and their birth rate is rather low.’

OK – but what happens when some of these nice Muslim migrants wake up to the fact that maybe our values in Europe are different to theirs? We’re quite into materialism; we like to make money and improve our lifestyles, and we’re not altogether in love with Mohammad and his followers.

‘Whatever, Phil,’ my Ministerial Advisor contact says resignedly. ‘We can’t keep these people out at the moment … so we just have to hope that they will join us and settle in.’

Right … only I’m thinking of 9/11 in the States and 7/7 here in the UK. Hundreds died and there were more to follow. A US Army Muslim Major woke up one morning and felt Allah was suggesting that he should murder some of his troops, which he did. Then there was the Charlie Hebdo massacre in Paris and there have been countless other incidents where Muslim migrants in the west have suddenly decided that they want to kill us.

‘How do you respond,’ I ask my Ministerial Advisor contact, ‘if voters feel you’re so far off what they’re after that they start voting for the extreme right?’

We’re pretty tolerant in the UK – but if pushed, we could well end up voting for UKIP or the English Defence League neo-fascists who want to deport all Muslim migrants from Britain.

‘This won’t happen, Phil,’ my now slightly rattled Ministerial Advisor contact says after a second glass of Parliamentary Prosecco. ‘We can embrace these people and ensure that they integrate peacefully with us … we have a lot to offer that is greatly appreciated.’

Another bottle of pricey Prosecco has arrived, but our phones are ringing.

‘Phil!’ my editor shouts. ‘Downing Street has been hit by a missile … and we have reports of explosions at Buckingham Palace and in the City. We don’t know what the fuck is happening … but can you check out whatever you can get … and if you see any Muslims with beards take pictures of them on your phone. I mean, this is serious man … it could be the end of what we’ve come to accept as our way of life here in the UK … and Christ – maybe everywhere!!’

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